Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
