so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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