I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just googled if crying burns calories
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
