did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
