HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
