My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
