Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
