I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
