just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
