Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
