You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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