remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
