After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
