There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
