I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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