so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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