So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
