Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
