shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
