just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
