you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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