I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
