I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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