Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
