I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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