she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
