haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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