Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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