WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
