It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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