At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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