1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I don't deserve a penis
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
