angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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