I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
