clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
