I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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