i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I am midnight drunk by noon
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
