If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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