I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
