Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
