Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
