i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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