we're chasing vodka with high fives
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You took a bar mat shot.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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