very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
