Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
