this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
