Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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