I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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