i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
