I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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