i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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