Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
